Emotions
by kazekage26
Summary: Loki has always been the best. He's never had any emotions to get in the way. But what if that started to change? LokixFenris. Review please!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Ragnarok. (Why do I even have to do this?)

_Emotions_ – Loki thinking to himself

* * *

Emotions

Loki was an Assassin of the Cross; the best there was or ever would be. He used the awesome power of cosmic energy, a feat no mere mortal could ever hope to achieve. And yet, he was not quite a god; he simply was not necessarily human. He felt no emotions, no remorse, pity, compassion, and of course, no love. It was part of how he had become so powerful, feared by all who had ever heard of him, even in the countless number of meaningless rumors surrounding him.

_Emotions made you weak_.

Loki had grown up acknowledging this simple fact of life and had thus rid himself of all emotions at a young age to an extent no other mortal had before. Without emotions to cloud his judgment, his every decision was clear, calm, and rational. He never suffered from hesitation, doubt, or regret. As a result, he lost touch with his emotions and wondered how they could cause people to do such irrational things. Just like the girl at the castle. It intrigued him to no end.

Then he joined Chaos and his company in their quest. At first, he had openly attacked the Rune Knight, guided by the false belief that he had been responsible for the slaughter of the Assassin's Guild. However, he later learned that that belief was false and that the cursed swordsman Skurai had been the murderer of his comrades. Their company was made up of a select number of people, each with their own unique past. All of them were mysteries to him.

First, there was Chaos. He was the leader of their group, and an intriguing mystery. On the surface, he was just a regular Rune Knight. However, it was clear that he had received training as a legendary Dragon Knight, even if he had no true recollections of such training. Also, he was supposedly the reincarnation of the prince of the gods Balder. He exhibited a great deal of emotion over almost everything that happened in his life. He strongly disapproved of the killing of even a few "innocents". As an assassin, Loki had learned that all that mattered was that the balance was kept so that needless bloodshed was avoided. That was the true purpose of the Assassin's Guild. What did a few deaths of "innocents" matter if it helped to prevent the deaths of countless thousands? The Rune Knight's chivalry baffled Loki, who simply could not understand why the Rune Knight would think so irrationally. In some ways, the Rune Knight was Loki's exact opposite.

Next was Iris Irene. She was the princess of Fayon, a town that had been recently devastated by the cursed swordsman Skurai. Although she had suffered such a tragedy, for some reason it did not seem to sober her outlook on life at all. In fact, her outlook on life was generally much too bright for his taste. She tended to be overly cheerful, sometimes to the point of being obnoxious. She was also immature, putting her basic needs, especially food, above everything else, even their quest. The cleric and her foolishness were as baffling to Loki as the Rune Knight's chivalry.

Then there was Lidia. She was a thief (or "treasure hunter" as she liked to call herself) that had lost her father to the fallacy of mortality. However, like Iris, she did not seem to let that affect her at all. She was often just as immature as Iris, often squabbling with the cleric over nothing at all. Also, she often stared at his back when she thought he wasn't looking. It was quite disconcerting oftentimes. How was he to remain alert to possible enemies if he was constantly distracted by her vacant stares at his back? This obviously illogical behavior added another confusing character to their group.

Last was Fenris. To him, she was the most intriguing one of all. She was the reincarnation of the wolf god and was now a powerful warlock. She was elegant, wise, and quite beautiful. In fact, she was the one Loki felt he could relate to the most. Next to Loki, she was the most mature of the whole group, but suffered a great deal of pain from her emotions for Chaos, the reincarnation of her love. This confused Loki, who could not understand the logic behind those feelings. Why would she feel such emotions if they caused her pain every time she saw Chaos and Iris together? What convinced her to keep on loving Chaos, even without any hope of such love being reciprocated? For some reason, watching her unsettled him in ways he could not understand.

* * *

_Flashback (previous night)_

_The group had stopped to make camp during their journey. It was a cold night seeing as they were heading to the far north. Chaos and Iris had huddled together under the same blanket for warmth, smiling and laughing quietly as they simply talked about things important to them. The pair soon fell asleep, still nestled together under the blanket. Still awake, Loki noticed that Fenris was staring longingly at the scene of Chaos and Iris. Her look was filled with both passion in her love for Chaos, the reincarnation of Balder, and sorrow over the fact that he would never be hers. She was doing so in a discreet manner, but Loki immediately picked up on this. _

_At that moment, looking at her, he fell suddenly **human**. _

_This feeling of compassion shocked him. When was the last time he had felt anything even **close** to compassion? He could not remember. _

_Why was it that he would feel such emotions now after ridding himself of them for most of his entire life? What was it about her that made him want to just once forget his self-control and comfort her? For perhaps the first time in his life, he simply **did not know**._

_And for once, he indulged his own desires. He walked over to where Fenris was and simply sat next to her. Fenris started a little at this unexpected behavior from him, but soon resumed what she was doing. He did not say anything. In truth, he was unsure of what to say, having little experience in such matters. So, he simply sat there, letting her know that he was there. He did not know if this mattered at all to Fenris, but for some unknown reason he just **felt** that this was what he shoulddo. After a while, she started to let her sorrow out through her tears. Again acting on his feelings, he held her through it all, not even sure that it was what she needed. After a while, she drifted off into sleep. Looking at her slumbering figure and recognizing her pain, he suddenly came to a decision. He swore a vow:_

_**He would protect her**. **No matter what.**_

_End Flashback_

* * *

As morning rose, Loki waited for the others to wake up. After tucking Fenris in, an unexpectedly tender act for him, he had stayed up the whole night to keep watch. His new vow to himself would not let him sleep. It wasn't like he had any real need of sleep anyways. He had long since become accustomed to not sleeping. He was not sure of what had possessed him to make such a serious vow, but when he thought it over; he found he had no intention of taking it back.

_It just felt …**right**._

Now what had in the world had made him think that? Last night had seriously affected him, and he wasn't sure if it was in a positive or negative way. It was the most he had _felt_ since he had been a mere child. Would these newfound…emotions… hinder him?

_Emotions made you weak._

Then he would just be sure not to let his emotions get in the way. Such a task would be simple, for he had already rid himself of his emotions. He needed to protect Fenris from all that he could. And if possible, he wanted to help her heal. None of it made very much sense to him, but for once he didn't care.

The first one to wake up was Fenris. She immediately went to check up on the Rune Knight to see if he was alright. Loki watched her as pain flickered in her eyes when she found the Knight still huddled with the cleric. Such behavior had always baffled him, but now he found that it made him feel ….irritated.

_And why would that be?_

Since when did he care? He had seen Fenris do this countless times, always concerned about the Rune Knight when she woke up. So why did it seem to bother him so much now?

_Because you promised to protect her. And yet, here she is, clearly suffering from her love for the Rune Knight._

But, what could he do? He had no hope of somehow making her just forget her love for the Rune Knight. He did not think her love shallow enough for that, and was sure that it would be an insult to her if he suggested such a thing. So what other option did he have? His faultless logic could not provide an answer. So he decided to rely on something other than his impeccable logic: his human side. After all, it had seemed to work before, had it not? It made sense that it would work again.

_And since when have you been the expert on "humanity"?_

He chose to ignore that particular thought.

His "human nature" seemed to suggest that he approach her. Not much help. Still, he might as well follow through. Oddly enough, he seemed oddly reluctant to do so. It was almost as if he was hesitant, maybe even …nervous?

_Wait. He was Loki, Assassin of the Cross. He was **never **hesitant, much less **nervous**._

Reassured by this thought, he silently approached Fenris and stood next to her. When she noticed him, she turned her head and looked at him. He returned the gaze. They stayed like that for a little while before Fenris spoke:

"Thank you."

"For what?" he replied, unsure of her meaning.

"For a few things, I guess. For helping me back during the airship incident, for one. Without you, I would have failed again…" She paused for awhile, thinking to herself. It seemed that she was remembering her past life as Fenrir, the Wolf God.

"It was nothing. But I cannot see how any of that would have been your fault. One cannot be responsible for everything, even if that person **is** the reincarnation of a god." He spoke honestly, voicing his private thoughts.

"Like you're one to talk. After all, who's the one who didn't sleep at all last night? You know, you **could** have woken me up to take over the watch. It's not like **you're **the reincarnation of a god." She replied in a good-humored tone of voice.

"I do not need sleep. I see no need to disturb someone else's sleep for something I do not require. Besides, you needed the rest." Again, he spoke the plain truth as he saw it.

And then, Fenris did the oddest thing. She **giggled**.

_What in the world? What is wrong? I cannot understand. Is she alright?_

Upon seeing the bewildered expression on his face, Fenris just started to laugh even more.

"I'm sorry. It's just that talking with you is so… interesting. I've never really talked with you before." As she spoke, she had to repeatedly stop to control her laughter.

It made no sense to the poor Assassin. How was talking with him interesting? He could not make any sense of her sudden change in behavior.

_Well, at least she's not depressed anymore…_

And then it hit him. It was the perfect solution to his problem. All he had to do to protect her from pain was stay near her. If just a small conversation could cause her mood to lighten, it was well worth all the confusion. Besides, he found that he enjoyed talking with her, even about such minor subjects. He felt… contented when he was with her.

_Felt? He could not let such emotions get in the way of protecting her. He "felt" entirely too much when he was around her. It was quite intriguing._

Staying near her would not be a problem in his point of view. Finally, a clear course was set. All he had to do was follow through with his plan and not let his emotions get in the way of protecting her.

How hard could it be?

* * *

**Author's Note** **(Please Read):** So, did you guys like it? This is my first fic, so I need feedback. If I actually get some positive feedback, I'll update it. If not, it obviously won't matter if I update or not. Please review! You can criticize me if you want, but at least put a reason if you do. Don't just go like "Your fic sucks. I hate it." Well….that won't tell me anything about **why **you hate it and what I can do to improve on it. Also, in your reviews, I need some feedback on how I should make my second chapter. Should I make it from Fenris' POV or keep it from Loki's? I could alternate between chapters, but the chapters might become shorter then. I need feedback on this before I can start my second chapter. Again, reviews are much appreciated.

REVIEW PLEASE!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Ragnarok. (Again with the stupid disclaimer. As if once wasn't enough.)

**Author's Note**: Okay, I'm starting a bit early because I have some time right now. (Thank God for Jewish holidays.) Plus, I don't think anyone is going to complain against updating quickly unless they **really** hate me. Alright, as of now, I've got two reviewers. So thank you for the reviews, Somnus and Chikai Tenshi. I've decided to keep it **mainly** from Loki's perspective (sorry Liz) because I think I can understand him more than Fenris and hopefully write a better fic from his perspective. I'll try to add more dialogue, so forgive me if the whole chapter comes out hopelessly mangled as a result. I can't say that I enjoy writing dialogue, but I'll try. Oh, and also, the romance and stuff like that will come, I promise. I just can't promise that it'll be good. It wasn't really in the first chapter because that was just an intro. Just a little side note, if any of you noticed, Loki refers to his companions by their titles except for Fenris. I did that to show that he is closer to her than the others. Well, anyway, that's enough from me. Enjoy! (Or at least I

hope you will…)

* * *

Emotions Part II

_Blah_- private thoughts

* * *

Driven by his new goal, Loki started to stay close to Fenris. It became rare to see the warlock without the presence of the silent assassin nearby. At times, he could even be seen walking with her and actually talking with her about miscellaneous things. After all, he **did** have to protect her, which meant he would have to stay close to her. Needless to say, the rest of the group quickly noticed this and started to speculate.

"Err, is it just me, or has Loki been hanging around Fenris a lot lately?" Chaos stated to Iris while Loki and Fenris were away.

Iris stopped what she was doing and replied back, "Now that you mention it, he has, hasn't he... I wonder why….," then Iris lit up, "maybe Loki…. **likes** her."

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONONONONONONONONO!"**

Chaos and Iris both jumped in surprise.

"What the bloody hell….?"

Suddenly Lidia came barging out of nowhere with a frighteningly maniacal look.

"THERE'S NO WAY LOKI WOULD LOVE ANYONE BUT ME! HE'S MINE! MINE, I TELL YOU!"

"………"

"Riiight" was all Chaos could come up with.

"YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME! I'LL SHOW YOU! NOTHING CAN BREAK THE BONDS OF OUR DESTINED LOVE. NOTHING! OUR LO—"

"Are you all right? You do not seem well." At that moment, Loki suddenly appeared out of nowhere in normal fashion, causing Lidia to jump nearly ten feet into the air.

"**GOOD GOD**! DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!" Lidia had to pause to regain her breath, trying in vain to hide the huge blush rising on her face.

Not that it really mattered. Loki may be one of the most powerful beings alive with amazing perceptive skills, but he could be amazingly **dense** at times. Especially in matters like this.

"Have you caught a fever? You do not seem to be well. Your face is also quite red. Perhaps you should rest?"

Yup, he could definitely be incredibly dense.

"………."

Luckily for Lidia, Fenris came to the rescue. "Um….Loki? I think she will be fine. Perhaps it would be best for her to be left alone to cool down a little."

"I see."

The others could only stare and gape at the oblivious wonder that was Loki.

* * *

_Loki POV_

Lately, Loki had never let Fenris stay out of his sight for long. After all, he had sworn to watch over her. He also went out on frequent walks with her away from the camp and conversed with her over various matters. He hoped that such diversions would help to lessen the pain she felt over Chaos. It was not much, and he was afraid that it did not help at all. It was odd. For once, he was powerless to do something that he truly wanted to accomplish.

_What else could he do? He could think of nothing else._

However, to his great surprise, he found himself **enjoying** himself on these frequent outings. It was quite peaceful with the absence of their more rowdy companions. Their conversations could be peaceful as well, although they were sometimes quite animated. Sometimes, it seemed that Fenris would forget about everything else, including Chaos, during their simple conversations, which made him oddly pleased. At first, he had been slightly worried about that, but had then dismissed it as unimportant. After all, that **was** his goal. To his surprise, he also found that he felt abnormally **content** when he was with her.

_Complacency would get you killed._

Yet another jewel of wisdom he had learned in his training to become an assassin, and one that he would have to remember.

Even if their conversations were often frivolous in his opinion, they helped him to understand the enigma known as Fenris Fenrir. He learned much by listening to her and simply observing her. The more he learned about her, the more he was intrigued by her. Her personality had a countless number of different sides. She could be wise, and yet foolish; grave, and yet also lighthearted. Every time he felt that he had learned all that there was to her, she surprised him yet again with another side of her. At times, he felt that he could spend his whole life trying to find out who Fenris really was.

_And at times, he felt that it would not be such a waste of time to try_.

Wait. Was this an example of "emotions"? He would have to be careful. They seemed to creep out at even the slightest notion lately. He could not let his "emotions" get in the way of his duty to protect Fenris. After all, the one rule that he had learned to obey above all others, his own personal mantra, was simply that:

_Emotions made you weak._

A weak person could not be depended to protect anyone, not even himself. Without power, goodwill meant nothing. He had learned that throughout his whole life. If he had power, he could protect whatever he wished, whether it be the balance of the world or the safety of his companions. If he had been stronger, then he might have been able to get back to the Assassin's Guild in time to stop its brutal massacre at the hands of Skurai. He could not allow himself to become weak if he wished to protect anyone during the course of their journey.

_With power, he could protect everything he wished to. Emotions would only hamper him if he allowed himself to be ruled by them._

Not that he really thought that Fenris was weak. Far from it. It was quite odd. She obviously felt emotions, most notably in the form of her love for Chaos, and yet could by no means be considered **weak**. She possessed great powers, as she had shown in her complete and thorough victory at the Tournament in the Magic Festival of Geffen. She had won all her battles with complete ease, showing knowledge of some of the most powerful spells in all of existence.

_How was it possible? How could she be so strong even under the influence of emotions?_

That was yet another puzzle about her that he had yet to solve.

_**She **was a puzzle. He could not seem to understand her at all._

And yet, for some bizarre reason, he did not care if he did not understand her. As long as he was with her, he felt that he didn't have to know everything about her. It almost felt as if it was better that he not understand her, but that was completely irrational, and irrationality was **not** something the stoic Assassin of the Cross was known for.

* * *

_Fenris' POV_

She was Fenris Fenrir, the reincarnation of the Wolf God. In her past life, she had been in love with the god named Balder. Unfortunately, she and her love had both died in a battle against Freya. Fenris had been reincarnated as a human woman with magical talent. Fortunately, she had retained all of her memories of her past life. Unfortunately, she had had no knowledge of where the reincarnation of her love was or who he was. She had gone through many ordeals to discover the identity of his reincarnation and had at last succeeded, tracking him down to a mountain city named Fayon. She had been driven by a single thought.

_I can finally be reunited with Balder!_

Unfortunately, when she finally found him, he did not recognize her at all. Furthermore, he brushed her off and was apparently already in love with a young cleric named Iris, the princess of the town.

**_She had been crushed_.**

Here was the man she had searched for all her life, the reincarnation of her long-lost lover. And he did not even recognize her. He had even gone so far as to fall in love with someone else. Her life lost all meaning in that single dreadful moment of revelation.

_What had it all been for? All the searching, the trials, the suffering?_

However, she was strong enough to keep on living after that. Even if he was no longer Balder, she would always support him. Even if he did not know that anymore. She would never go so far as to leave him alone to go through Ragnarok, the war of the gods, without guidance. She stayed strong and decided to help Chaos, as he was now called, in everything she could.

_But that didn't mean it didn't hurt._

Of course it hurt. It hurt her every time she saw him, but could not profess her profound love for him. It hurt when she longed for him to remember all that they had gone through together in their past life. It hurt every time she saw him with Iris, who now thought of her as an older sister. It hurt like she could never have imagined had she not been forced to experience it. But through it all, one thing never changed.

_She would do anything for Balder, in whatever form he may be_.

It was the single remaining truth in her life. Nothing could ever take it away from her. It **defined** her. It was all she had left. And that was how it always would be. Or at least, that was what she believed.

Truth be told, there were times when she wished she could change that. There were times when she wished that she wasn't so devoted to Chaos. Surely she had gone through enough? There was no need to force herself to go through endless torture every time she saw him. He was already happy with his new life, with Iris. He no longer needed her, even if she still needed him.

_But she couldn't. If she did, she would lose herself._

Her only solace lately had been the fact that she had someone to talk to, someone that she could share her pain with. That someone was none other than the silent Assassin of the Cross Loki. She had never expected to be able to confide in him. It had simply never occurred to her. He had always been so aloof and unapproachable, and she had respected that. But, only a few nights ago, he had been the one to approach her when she had watched Chaos. He had been the one to acknowledge her pain and let her know, albeit without words, that he understood.

_For the first time in a **long** time, she felt as if she could trust someone with her feelings. _

For the longest time, she had had to keep her feelings to herself. All she could do was watch as Chaos and Iris became closer and agonize over what could have been. There was little chance that Lidia, the immature thief, would be a good choice as a confidant. To be honest, she had not thought Loki would have been one either, but he had apparently proven her wrong. The brooding assassin would not betray her trust, and had no reason to do so.

_She could feel at ease, free from her pain, around him._

Loki was undemanding. He did what he felt he should and expected no thanks for it, which Fenris was grateful for. She did not have to worry about obligations and such around him. Lately, he had stayed around her, as if to protect her. The simple gesture touched her, and he obviously expected nothing in return. If he had, she probably would not have been able to do much for him.

His stoicism helped her to remain strong. Sometimes she wished she could be as emotionless as he was. Would that stop the pain she felt from looking at Chaos? Obviously. However, she could not emulate that, and when she tried, could not understand how **he **could. She had never realized how hard it was to just rid oneself of all emotions. No matter how hard she tried, she could not keep all of her emotions under a rigid control.

_How did he do it?_

Loki was truly an enigma. At first, he seemed ruthless and cold. But, once she took the time to try to get acquainted with him, she detected a fierce sense of loyalty and duty within him. He seemed to view her pain as something that he was obligated as a companion to alleviate as best he could. Such behavior could hardly be called cold and ruthless. He was easy to judge, but much harder to actually know.

_Was it even possible to know everything about Loki?_

Now that she thought about it, it seemed as if he had always been there to help her. At the airship, he had saved their lives twice. First he had taken care of the deadly wyvern fire that would have decimated Chaos, which would in turn have decimated her heart. Then he had been there to catch her when she was falling.

_Why was he helping her?_

Well, whatever the reason, she now had a confidant. Someone she could talk to and simply enjoy the sometimes slow pace of life with. And she was grateful for just that small relief in her pain. She doubted if her pain would ever just disappear, but at least now she had someone to help her through the pain and suffering.

And that was very comforting indeed.

* * *

**Author's Note**: HA! I updated in one day. Beat that! And I wrote it all today, too. Well, anyway, could people review please? I desperately need feedback. Yeah, I kind of failed at the whole dialogue thing. I just put a bunch at the top and then stopped. --;; So, sorry about that. I'll try to do better to make Fenris and Loki actually talk to each other after this chapter. It's still moving slow, so just bear with me please. I'm not sure how long this story is going to be.

REVIEW PLEASE


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Ragnarok or any of its characters. (Does anyone really even care about this dumb thing?)

**Author's Note**: Okay, I'm sorry about the last chapter. It really sucked. Well, at least it came out quickly, right? I can't promise that this chapter will be better, but I **can** promise that I'll try. I'm hoping to be able to post this chapter today, but I'm not sure if I can. If I do, then I'll have updated three times in three days! Of course, there's no way I'll be able to maintain this for long, what with high school and clubs to worry about. Oh, and about the dialogue, I'll try to put some in. I can't really see them talking a lot, but they obviously have to talk at least a little.sigh Whatever, I hope the readers enjoy! (Yes, all of my…one…reader… T-T)

* * *

Emotions Part III

_Blah_- private thoughts

* * *

_Loki's POV_

Loki and Fenris became nearly inseparable. When you saw one, you almost always saw the other with him or her. Not that this really occurred to the two that this was happening. Well, at least not to Fenris. Loki obviously noticed it since it was part of his whole objective, but did not attribute any significance to this particular detail. After all, what did it matter if he had a habit of staying close to one of his companions more than the others?

_It meant **everything**._

He **really** had to get rid of that habit. Lately, he seemed to contradict himself over the smallest things. It was almost as if he had developed a split personality. Such a thing would obviously be a serious impediment to doing what he needed to. He could not afford to develop such a weakness **now** of all times. It made it easier for him to be distracted…

"….Loki?" There was Fenris, almost right in front of him.

**That** was a surprise. Since when had he gotten so easily distracted as to be unable to sense someone's presence? He would have to remedy that, or else eventually suffer the consequences. What would happen if he let an enemy get so close to him without even noticing?

_Simple; he would die, and so would all those he hoped to protect._

It was as if his "human" side was getting the better of him, making him weak and vulnerable. That was something he simply could not allow.

"…Are you all right? You seem…distracted."

Ah yes. He had forgotten about her. Which meant that he had **again** fallen prey to his "human" weaknesses. What was wrong with him lately?

"I was…thinking." It was all the Assassin could think of to say.

"…I see." It was obvious that she sensed that something was wrong, but respected his privacy enough to ignore it for now.

It was often the small things like this that made him feel comfortable around her.

_An exceedingly dangerous way to feel. If he was **comfortable**, he could be caught unawares and fail in his duty to protect her. And that was the one thing he could not be allowed to fail in._

"….Well then, perhaps we should head back?"

He really had to stop thinking so much when he was **supposed** to be having a decent conversation with someone.

"No, there is no need for that. I am quite alright. I apologize for ignoring you."

It was a feeble excuse, true. But it was the simple truth, and he had never truly felt the need to lie, especially not to Fenris.

"So, what do you want to talk about today?" Fenris started off their daily routine with the same question she always asked.

"It does not matter." His reply was always the same.

Then she would suggest some topic for them to just discuss and they would proceed to talk about it. It never mattered what the topic was, or if it was all relevant to their quest. The only thing that really mattered was that they actually talked. It made little sense when he thought about it.

_Did it have to?_

Whenever they talked (Fenris did most of the talking), he felt at peace. It hardly mattered what they talked about. As an assassin, he had had little time for small conversations like the ones he had with Iris. He had his companions, but he never tried to start such conversations with them, for he had no need to. They were probably too respectful and perhaps even a bit afraid of him to think of starting such conversations on their own. Although he had learned to trust them more than any others, he did not consider them **friends**. They were only his companions, his partners in his work. He would help them and depend on them to some degree, but never had a close relationship with any of them.

_Not like now._

Now, he had people that he felt he could call friends. All of his companions were his equals, not his subordinates. They did not feel the need to submit to his will or follow him blindly. To him, it was as if he did not have to worry so much about his responsibilities. He was expected to do only what everyone else did; no less and no more. And now his closest friend was Fenris.

_Did she feel the same way?_

Sometimes these thoughts unsettled him. It wasn't as if that mattered. Why would he care? And **why** wouldn't he just let go of that damn thought? Damn. Oh well, it wouldn't hurt to ask. It wasn't as if it was a big deal or anything. It was just a simple yes or no question, nothing that he needed to worry about.

_You're babbling._

So he decided to just ask her directly.

"Fenris."

"hm…?"

"Am I your… friend?"

"….of course. Why wouldn't you be?" She was looking at him oddly, as if he had just said something strange.

_Had he?_

For some reason, he felt rather relieved when she answered.

_Odd. Why would he feel **relieved **of all things to just a simple answer to a simple question?_

Nevertheless, it was a comforting thought. To Fenris, he was not just a traveling companion. He was something more.

_He was a friend._

* * *

_Fenris POV_

As she spent time with the enigma that was Loki, she gradually began to learn more about him. It was surprising how well she had gotten to know him in just a few weeks. And yet, as well as she had gotten to know him, she could not help but feel that there was always more to him than she knew.

_Was it even possible to know just who Loki was?_

At first, she had thought him unfeeling and wondered at how he did it. But, as she got to know him more, she learned that he was not as unfeeling as she had thought. He was just able to control his emotions better than most. He seemed to show no emotion, but that was not true. You just had to know where to look and what to look for. For the most part, his eyes told the most about him. It was nearly impossible to tell how he felt by judging based on his facial expression or behavior. But if you looked closely, he would show most of his emotions in his eyes. If he was happy, his eyes were usually more relaxed and less piercing. If he was worried, his eyes constantly moved, taking in his surroundings and preparing for any possible threat with uncommon alacrity. Noticing these seemingly small things was the key to knowing him.

_And since when had she suddenly noticed all these things anyway?_

The obvious answer was that she had spent more time with him lately. It made perfect sense that she would know him better than every one else.

_But why in the world are you noticing so much about him?_

She couldn't think of an answer to that particular question at the moment.

_Should she be worried about that?_

Perhaps. But, it did not seem important at the time. After all, simply noticing some things about some one you talked with on a daily basis wasn't exactly a major problem.

_Was it?_

Whatever. Now was not the time to worry over such trivial matters. There was simply no need.

Wait. 'There was simply no need'? Since when did she start to talk like Loki, even if it was to herself? Actually, now that she thought about it, it seemed as if being in his company was starting to rub off on her in various ways.

_Odd._

Wait, she just did it again. It was all rather confusing, so she decided not to dwell on it too much.

Her conversations with Loki were often relaxing for her. Even though he did not talk much, it was nice to talk about random things with someone who she knew could at least understand. Besides, it wasn't as if he didn't talk at all. In fact, being in her company had probably encouraged the calm assassin to actually talk without necessarily needing a set reason. It seemed that their companionship was mutually beneficial in certain ways.

_Companionship? Were they merely companions? Or could they consider each other as friends. She was not quite sure, and yet wondered when she had made any distinction between the two concepts. Before, a companion and a friend had meant the exact same thing. Apparently, her way of thought had changed over time._

Another very important part of her conversations with Loki was that she **forgot** about her pain when she was talking with him. Their talks were usually away from the camp, so she did not have to see Chaos. Their conversations were never really about Chaos either, so she was not reminded of him at all.

_When was the last time that she had **not** thought about Balder or his reincarnation?_

When she had realized this, it had been quite a shock. Then she had realized that it was also quite a blessing. She didn't have to feel the sharp pain of unrequited love when she talked with Loki. She could just talk about whatever she wanted and not worry about how much longer she could stand of seeing Chaos but being unable to do anything about it. It was an effective way to forget that feeling, if only for a little while.

As a result, her pain and anguish gradually lessened to the point of dullness. Even when she did see him, with or without Iris, she no longer felt like her heart was being ripped out of her body. It still hurt, but not nearly as much as it had used to.

_She had Loki to thank for that_.

She did not know why the assassin had chosen to try to befriend her, but she could not be more grateful to him for doing so. And now she knew that he considered her to be not just a companion, but also a **friend**.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I finished this chapter in one day too! Yay for me! Actually, I think this chapter was probably a bit shorter than the others. Oh well. But I probably won't be updating after this for a couple of days because of school and all that. I think I'm already falling behind in all my long-term stuff. Sorry if you didn't like the chapter, but there's not much I can do. Reviews help, you know. I haven't gotten any reviews for the second chapter. (Then again, I just posted that late last night…) But still, reviews definitely help, even just my self-esteem. And by the way, the story is not going to end there. As I was writing it, I realized that it kind of seemed that way, but it's not. Alright then. Bye!

REVIEW PLEASE


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Okay, I **seriously** do not own Ragnarok or its characters. Do I really have to keep repeating myself? Sheesh.

**Author's Note**: Okay, here's my new rant. This chapter obviously isn't as fast as my other updates, but that's not really saying much since my other chapters were pretty fast. I really have to thank all my reviewers. I actually got a couple reviews for my last chapter, so I'm pretty happy. It really helps as motivation. I'm getting to what I'm hoping will be the angsty part, now that Fenris and Loki have gotten to become close friends. Why, you ask? Because I don't like fluff that much unless it's really good fluff, which I think would be hard to write. So I'll just try to go for a little angst. Not sure how it'll turn out, but it might work. It'll be my first try at angst, (technically, this story is my first try on everything) so feel free to offer some constructive criticism or pointers. On to my fourth chapter! (Wow, I didn't expect this to be that long. At first, I thought it was just going to be a one-shot. Freaky.)

* * *

Emotions Part IV

_Blah_- private thoughts

* * *

_Loki's POV_

_Friendship_.

What an odd word. Such a small word barely encompassed all that it actually meant. It involved joy, pain, comfort, peace, agitation, and many other feelings. It was a strong example of a human emotion, perhaps **the** strongest for him. It was truly a foreign concept to the once emotionless Assassin, but he appreciated it nonetheless. Just that feeling of friendship was enough for him to want to accompany Fenris all the time.

_Was friendship always this strong for everyone?_

If that was the case, then emotions, especially friendship, were all incredibly powerful. How did people manage to live with all their emotions? To one who had cast off his emotions long ago, it was a huge mystery.

_Could he manage to live with so many emotions all at once?_

There was no reason that he would not be capable of what all people could do. But, he still wondered.

_Was he even "human"?_

He had not honestly considered himself a "human" for most of his life. If he were not truly human, then perhaps he would not be able to deal with so many conflicting emotions. It would be best not to try. Perhaps doing so would make him as weak as a normal powerless human.

_After all, emotions made you weak._

And yet, without even realizing it, he started to become accustomed to emotions. When he was with her, he could **feel** more than he had ever done. Sometimes, talking with her, he forgot about everything else, whether it was their quest, their objective, or his questions about humanity and emotions. He could barely remember a time when he had **not** regularly talked with her.

_Was that alright?_

He did not know if it was a weakness. It certainly didn't make him **feel** weak, so how could he know? He never got the chance to dwell on it for too long. Whenever he thought about it, it always seemed as if something else came up. He probably wouldn't be able to figure it out, even with as much time as he could possibly want. He couldn't seem to figure out quite a lot of things ever since he had become friends with Fenris. It worried him sometimes.

_What worried him even more was that sometimes **he didn't care**._

* * *

_Fenris' POV_

_Friendship._

To her, friendship was her sanctuary. It meant so much more than what the small word would imply. She could find support from her friends and draw strength from them. To her, friendship was one of the most important concepts of life. Without friends, without at least companionship, how could one find meaning to life?

_Then there was Loki._

She had established that he was her friend. And yet, it seemed as if he had never had any friends before her. How had he done it? Surely one as talented and remarkable as him would have managed to make many friends? Then she realized the reason why.

_He was an Assassin. And not just any assassin, he was an Assassin of the Cross._

As such an important and imposing figure, coupled with his naturally daunting personality, few dared to approach him. She did not doubt that even his closest comrades feared him to some extent. With no one daring to treat him normally, he would have naturally grown up without any friends. After all, if no one could put their fear of him aside, how could they be considered his friends? All of which led to a rather interesting question.

_How had she become his friend?_

For some reason, she did not fear him as so many others did. Perhaps it was because he was not truly as fearsome as most people seemed to believe. Although he could certainly be fearsome, there were times when he was just a person who felt the need to help others or follow his duty. There were also times when she thought that he was not as emotionless as he often seemed. Sometimes, when they talked, she would catch him almost smiling, even if it was just a small quirk of his lips. Of course, when he noticed, he would ruthlessly quash the smile and pretend it had never happened. It was really quite amusing, not at all befitting the image of the cold-blooded killer many thought him to be. Even Iris was afraid of him, and she traveled with him every day.

_Not many saw what she saw when she looked at him._

Hm. That was a rather spontaneous thought. But it was still true. Over time, she had gotten to know him quite well and sometimes even guess what he was thinking. Not that it was easy to do. Rather, it was quite the opposite. As well as she had gotten to know him, there were still so many things she did not understand about him. Seeing as she was the person who probably understood him the most, Loki certainly was an enigmatic character.

And yet, that fact did not seem to bother her in the least.

* * *

_Loki's POV_

It was a normal day, bright and clear. As per his usual fashion, he had gone over to Fenris' tent to wait for her to wake up. When she woke up and got ready, she came out.

He then silently acknowledged her presence with a nod and waited for her to decide where they would go for their walk. After she decided, they went out, starting a small conversation eventually.

Perfectly normal. It was the routine they went through every day.

As they were walking through a rather dense part of the forest, talking animatedly (or at least as animatedly as Loki was going to get), it happened.

Wordlessly, she fell to the ground, pierced by a tiny dart obviously tipped with some sort of poison.

At that moment, time froze.

The assassin sent to murder them aimed for Loki next…only to find him gone. Before he could wonder at where he was, Loki appeared directly in front of him, a look of cold and piercing rage on his face.

The fool never knew what hit him.

* * *

He carried Fenris back to the camp to be taken care of. He brought her to Iris, uttering only three words.

"Heal. Her. **Now**."

Suppressing her questions in light of the situation, she quickly went to work trying to heal Fenris. Loki stood and watched, no cohesive thoughts forming in his mind. All he could think of was her safety.

_Nothing else mattered._

After a few minutes of casting her healing spells, Iris finished. Loki could not take the suspense. Either she would be alright or she wouldn't.

_How was she?_

Iris spoke up. "She'll be fine with some rest. She might have to rest for quite a while, even a couple of days. Now, just what in the world happened?"

_Indeed, just what **had **happened? The answer was quite simple._

**"I failed."**

* * *

Outside, Loki went to seek solitude. He did not want to talk to anyone. Not Iris, Chaos, or Lidia. All they would do was ask what had happened. And he would only have one answer.

_He had failed._

He had made a solemn vow to protect her, from any kind of pain. What kind of protector allowed the person he was protecting to get poisoned right in front of his eyes? Only a weakling.

_When had he become so weak?_

He was Loki. He was the greatest of the Assassins, even among the powerful Assassins of the Cross. He **never** failed in any mission he was assigned. He carried out his missions with cold and awe-inspiring proficiency and alacrity. He was the most formidable foe any being who sought to disrupt the balance could think of. Not that many even knew he existed. His skill was too great to allow anyone who saw what he was to escape.

_Was that who he was anymore?_

It was laughable. He, of all people, had let some fool novice assassin, not even of the Guild, get close enough to poison Fenris. He almost felt like laughing. At the same time, he also felt like crying. And then he realized the bitter truth.

_He had let his emotions weaken him._

He had sworn not to let his emotions get in the way. And yet, here he was, wanting to **cry**. He had failed in more ways than he could imagine, it seemed. He had let himself **feel.** It went against everything he had learned, everything he lived by. But he had let himself feel anyway. He had been too caught up with Fenris and her company. Too caught up in her personality, her wonder, her wisdom, her beauty.

_Too caught up in **her.**_

And then it hit him. How could he have missed it? How had he become so **foolish** as to not realize it?

_He was in love with her._

He had let himself feel love. It had not even occurred to him that he would** ever **feel that way. And yet, looking back, it all made sense. He enjoyed their time together altogether too much. He enjoyed listening to her, looking at her, **being with her**. He had let himself get too caught up in her to notice that an assassin had crept up to poison her.

_He was a fool._

He had thought that he would never let his emotions get the better of him. Subconsciously, he had realized that he was in love, but had dismissed it. Without even realizing it, he had made the decision that he could still protect her even if he loved her.

_And that was what had almost killed her._

He had watched her fall in front of him. She could very well have died. After all, Loki had given the assassin all the opportunities he could possibly want. He was more grateful than he had ever been that she was still alive.

If she died, he died. It was no dramatic proclamation. It was the cold, stark truth. And with that realization, he made another vow. This one, he meant to keep, even if it killed him. Even if it meant he would never be able to go back to how he had been before. Even if it destroyed a part of him that he would never be able to regain.

**_He would not feel ever again. Especially not love._**

* * *

**Author's Note:** It's finished! And it sucked. Really, really sucked. But that's okay, right?(Yeah right)

From the very beginning, I had had this planned out. It just took a lot longer to get to this part than I thought. I didn't really seem to convey what I wanted to, but as long as you guys get the general idea. So, yeah. Now that Loki finally gets it through to himself that he actually loves her, he decides that he won't. How's that for Loki's character? It's just something I imagine he would do. It's too bad. I just can't seem to make it easy for poor Loki and Fenris. Oh well, I'm sure that they don't mind. (right?)

I'll update eventually, whenever I get around to it. I should be finishing this story in the next one or two chapters. Unless someone wants an epilogue. If any one does, be sure to tell me. Reviews would be appreciated. I got some really good reviews last chapter. :D (To jj otaku, I did join the forum. Ragnarok is awesome!)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: If you legal people aren't convinced by now, there's no hope for me. You might as well arrest me right now (provided you can find me :D)

sigh, well here goes:

Idon'townRagnarokoranyofitscharactersandIneverwill.

gasp Happy now?

* * *

**Author's Note:** Alright, I'm really sorry to any readers out there actually like my fic for not updating for almost a year (9 months?). Chances are I don't have to worry much about that since there are plenty of other fics out there better than mine. But if anyone still cares, yes, I have finally gotten off my lazy #$ to try and finish up this sorry story(or at least add another freakin' chapter) before anyone kills me. Apparently, a few people(or is it just one….or maybe I just imagined that…..annyyway) have gotten the idea that the story ended with the last chapter, and for that I'm really sorry. It didn't end, I just got off my OMG IT"S MY FIRST STORY rush and stopped writing for a while (a **long** while). Hopefully, this chapter will progress the story (maybe even finish it? o0…not likely.) and satisfy any discontent/murderous readers(I hope there aren't any of you that feel that way though). No guarantees.(Is it just me, or do the asteriks not work?)

* * *

From Part IV

_He had thought that he would never let his emotions get the better of him. Subconsciously, he had probably realized that he was in love, but had dismissed it. Without even realizing it, he had made the decision that he could still protect her even if he loved her._

_And that was what had almost killed her._

_He had watched her fall in front of him. She could very well have died. After all, Loki had given the assassin all the opportunities he could possibly want. He was more grateful than he had ever been that she was still alive._

_If she died, he died. It was no dramatic proclamation. It was the cold, stark truth. And with that realization, he made another vow. This one, he meant to keep, even if it killed him. Even if it meant he would never be able to go back to how he had been before. Even if it destroyed a part of him that he would never be able to regain._

_**He would not feel ever again. Especially not love.**_

* * *

Emotions Part V

_Blah_ – private thoughts

* * *

_Loki's POV_

_Love_

How he hated that word. It had taken from him all that he had used to be. He was no longer the strongest, no longer even merely competent, no longer **himself**. It had crippled him, robbed him of his senses, his training, his very life itself. What had happened to Loki, the cold invincible killer that upheld the balance of Midgard through a torrent of blood and fire?

**_He had failed_.**

He, who had carried out all his missions with ruthless efficiency, who had never let a target escape, had failed. He had been praised, lauded, feared, even hated throughout his entire life. Never before had he felt **ashamed**. An altogether novel experience, it was not one he professed a liking to. What made it worse was just **what** he had failed to do.

He had failed to protect **her**.

He had not just failed some mission, some assassination. If so, he could remedy the situation by taking out the target at a later date, with greater caution and care. This could not, **would** not be redeemed so easily. He had sworn to protect her. To protect her from pain, from hurt, from the world that seemed to hate her so. He had vowed to protect her from the very gods themselves.

_He couldn't even protect her from a pathetic mortal fool. _

This was reality. This was what he had become. Thinking back, he wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, to rage. He wasn't even sure which he really wanted to do. None of it seemed to matter. It wouldn't help, wouldn't restore him to his former self, the killer that could take on the world and its gods alone.

_His former self, who had had the power to protect her._

He knew what he had to do now. It was so clear. It would not redeem him, for there was nothing that he could do that would earn him redemption, but it would put an end to his turmoil and grant him the power to never fail again.

If his "former self" was capable of protecting her, then all he had to do was revert to how he used to be. Before he had "**felt**", before he had weakened, before he had grown careless and confused, before he had become "**human"**.

_**Before he had "loved".**_

* * *

_Fenris' POV_

_**She was alone.**_

_That was all she knew for sure. She had no knowledge of where she was, why she was there, or how to get out. It was dark, so dark that she could hardly see herself, let alone her surroundings._

_Why was she alone? Where were her friends, her comrades, her allies?_

_**They were all dead.**_

_The sudden realization struck her. Of course, the ancient war had caused the deaths of all those she knew, even the one she loved. She herself had died, only to be reincarnated much later into a human vessel. She had spent almost her entire life in search of the reincarnation of Balder, the one she loved._

_And she had found him._

_His name was now Chaos, a young man of unquenchable spirit and endless vitality. He was not as powerful as he had once been, but that hardly mattered. She had found him. She could finally be with him once more._

_Or so she had thought._

_He had no memory of what he had been, what she had been, what **they** had been. It was painful, but she had borne the pain silently, harboring a secret hope that one day he would remember, or that he would fall in love with her all over again. Then she had met Iris. More importantly, she saw **them**, she saw what she had once shared with Balder, between the two._

_It had cut her to the core._

_There would be no long-awaited reunion with her loved one. _

_**She was still alone**._

_Even with that, she could not give up, could not let their efforts in their previous lives and in their current ones be spent in vain. All she could do was live on, watching over Balder, no, Chaos, as they set out to finish what they had started so long ago. At that time, they had been together in so many ways. Now, it seemed she was alone in even more._

_Then **he **had come._

_A companion, a friend, a comrade. Loki was all of that, however much it did not seem so. He reached out to her, realized what she was going through, and even if he could not truly understand, tried to lessen the pain even a little._

_For that, she was undeniably grateful._

_Contrary to how he seemed, he was surprisingly clumsy with many things, like prolonged conversations, with confiding in others in personal matters. It must have been an unfortunate result of his lifestyle as a peerless, detached omen of death. Such a being would not be easily approached, not even by his comrades, perhaps not even by his superiors._

_In any case, it was comforting to be able to realize others like her in the world. Others, who, like her, had lived lives of loneliness, unable to truly get close to the people around them. He, like her, had lived a life with a single-minded purpose, only to have that ruthlessly ripped away from him in one fatal moment. Without that purpose, neither of them could make sense of their upturned and chaotic lives._

_Alone, that is._

_She had already resolved to continue guiding Chaos (she should accept that he had a new identity now, after all) when they had first begun to talk. Regardless of what she felt and wanted him to feel, she could not be so selfish as to try to remove him from the life he had chosen to live. It was her way of keeping her purpose intact in whatever way possible. Loki, on the other hand, joined their group to make sure that Chaos was not the one responsible for the bloodbath at the Guild. Along the way, he had, perhaps unknowingly, been accepted into the group. This was most noticeable with her, with whom he spent the most time with. _

_Together, they began to try to pick up the pieces and restore their lives. Perhaps, with a close companion to support her, she could regain the strength to truly live again, and in turn, help him to do the same._

And with that rather reassuring thought, she awoke.

* * *

_Where am I?_

She seemed to be on a bed, though how a bed was there she did not yet know. There did not seem to be any immediate danger in her surroundings, which resembled that of a room in an inn, so she surmised that she had not been captured by her enemies.

_How and when did I get here?_

She blinked drearily, and tried to rise. For some reason, she seemed abnormally fatigued, exhausted even. Her vision was still rather blurry, and her senses dull. She thought that she could hear someone coming in, wherever she was, but for some reason she could not be sure.

"Hey! She's up! You guys! Come on, Fenris is up!"

_Why would I not be up?_

She turned to look at the origin of the voice, finally focusing in on Iris Irene. If she was the one who had said that, then the "guys" she had been calling would be her current friends and comrades.

_Including Chaos. _

That no longer hurt as much as it used to, calling him by the name of his present incarnation. She took that as a promising sign, one that showed that she was close to finally moving on with her life.

Her companions, friends now, came into the room, apparently immensely relieved, more than was strictly necessary in her opinion, that she had woken up.

_What was the matter with them? I'm just feeling a little tired, nothing to get quite that worked up over._

"You're finally up! Do you know how worried we were!" came a rather indignant squeal.

After being enveloped in a horrifically strong bear hug by a bundle of female energy (sometimes called "Iris"), she realized that she was perhaps weaker than she had realized.

If so, this was probably the last thing she needed right now.

"Um…Iris? Could you … perhaps … let go … of me for …just a moment? I kind of need…to …breathe…!"

Upon realizing that she was cutting off the recently recovered Fenris' circulation as well as her oxygen intake, Iris let go of her at once, allowing Fenris to attempt to catch her breath again.

"OmigodI'msosorryareyouok!" she immediately blurted out.

"I'm... fine. What happened? Why's everyone so worked up?

_Chaos, Iris, Lidia_..._Wait, where's Loki?_

"...Um, where's Loki?"

At that, everyone suddenly looked very uncomfortable, not quite meeting her eyes.

_What? What did I say? …Just what really happened?_

This time, it was Chaos who spoke up.

"About that…**Loki's not here**."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Finally, Part V is finished! And I even got a nice cliffie for all you people out there who like cliffhangers (yeah,... does anyone like cliffhangers? Just curious…Wait, don't kill me!) 

Anyhow, I got surprisingly little accomplished this chapter. It's really kinda depressing. Nothing happened! And to make it worse, the chapter not only took longer than the others to write (2 days, the others only took a day each), it turned out to be just as bad, if not worse than the other chapters. T-T Guess that's what happens when you wait so long to update.

Putting that aside, this story might turn out longer than I expected it to (again!). If this keeps up, I'm going to be seriously irritated (I tell you, this was supposed to be a &$#&# one-shot!).

I was really hoping that I could end it with this chapter, but maybe I can end it with the next. My current dilemma is that I dislike it when the story is resolved too quickly and leaves a feeling of being rushed. But what could potentially be much worse is if I drag it out too long, bore you guys to tears, and eventually force you to resort to murder.

But then I also have to write some sort of epilogue because a reviewer asked for one, and I really ought to write some sort of fluffy ending thing to make it up to Loki and Fenris for what I'm gonna do to them(or not…..hehehe…maybe I should just skip the fluff altogether…).

Anyways, please leave reviews! I know I was a jerk about waiting so long to start this chapter, but I really would like reviews. Just so you know, the reviews I got last chapter did make me feel guilty for not writing, so any reviews written will motivate me to update faster. The more the better! Leave any criticisms, compliments, flames (I'll ignore those, but go ahead), etc. if you would, please. You can even chew me out for being so lazy, as I'm really quite desperate for reviews. (Sad, isn't it…)


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